With all the plastic this dog eats, he should be literally pooping rainbows.

It's a good thing this wasn't real.

This used to be a plastic chili pepper. Good thing it wasn't real or Torg would be having a really uncomfortable evening.

Even while crated, Torg the Destroyer lives up to his name.

The best part? This blanket wasn't even IN THE CRATE.

I should have taken a picture of it before I pulled it out to assess the damage. It used to cover the sofa (so we don't have to vacuum the sofa eight times a day like we do the floor). He got hold of a corner through one of the teeny little openings in the wire crate and pulled till he had about 85% of the (queen-sized) blanket inside with him. Then he destroyed it, because that is what he does.

I was going to buy him a crate blanket anyway. Instead I just bought a new sofa blanket and this one now lives in his crate.

Doofus dog.

And then he ate the pack n play.

I put him in the basement so I could vacuum up all the rice and he ate holes in the pack n play.

What is the going rate that gypsies pay for dogs these days?

Oh. My. God.

He gets crated when we leave the house from now on. Because OH MY GOD.

He still has enough fingers to hold his microphone, at least.

I know it's hard to tell what this is. This was the best picture I could get.

What you are looking at is the mangled hand of Rock 'n Roll (or Rock 'n Play, or Rock 'n Sing, or whatever it's called) Elmo. This actually happened sometime last week, I thought I posted it then but it doesn't look like I did.

Red-letter day!

I don't think Torg destroyed anything yesterday! Probably because he was asleep in the sofa all day after being up since 3 a.m. with assorted digestive issues (you know, dog, if you stopped eating inappropriate things your tummy might not be so upset all the time), but still. Nothing destroyed! Amazing!

In other news, according to his paperwork, today is Torg's second birthday. Happy birthday, you big doofus.

Apparently Torg finds this toy as annoying as I do.

These were my favorite flip-flops.

Penguins are flightless bird anyway, right?

Blockhead.

Good thing Lorelai never really liked this one.

Shalini wins.

I fold.

Ball!

I timed this one. Seven seconds. Possibly a new record.

Cupcake.

Instead of traditional eggs, Lorelai got a bunch of plastic ice cream cones as cupcakes that open up like eggs. Now she has one less.

In the dog's defense, she did feed this to him. So it's really not his fault.

Well, it's not fatal.

First Important Baby Toy casualty. Frog has been chewed. Not beyond usability, but this dog is on my shit list today.

I thought these Tuffy toys were supposed to be virtually indestructible.

Six minutes, he had this thing. Six. Minutes.

That was the best leash, too. Damn.

A mile into our walk, Torg poops. I pick up the poop (which contained an impressive number of tiny foam beads). As I am tying the bag off, he is busy doing this.

You can imagine how much fun the mile walk back home was.

RIP, Patti Mayonnaise.

The worst part about Torg destroying my microbead pillow is not that she is gone. It's that she bled teeny tiny foam beads all over the damn house. We'll be finding these things for years.

(Yes, I named my pillow Patti Mayonnaise. What of it?)

Yum. Bed.

He ever does this to MY bed, I'm gonna be really pissed.

This basket used to hold stuff.

Specifically, his toys. Dog, once the toys are out of the basket, you can put them back IN it, then take them out again, then put them back, ad nauseum. No need to destroy it for no longer containing toys.

Ouch.

Leash burn hurts like a mother.

Beach ball down.

Looks like freaking Edward Cullen came for a visit.

My dog destroys stuff.

This is Torgerson. Torgerson destroys stuff.

I know, all dogs destroy stuff. But Torgerson destroys a LOT of stuff. He's lived with us for less than two weeks and he's already destroyed:

1. A leash
2. Three sippy cups
3. At least 20 balls from Lorelai's ball pit
   
4. His bed
5. A pillow
6. A baby block
7. A stuffed penguin
8. His stuffed bone
9. A stuffed duck that plays music
10. The corners of half of Lorelai's books
11. The black ball from my in-laws' croquet set
12. The basket we kept his toys in
13. The wastebasket from Lorelai's room
14. Two beach balls
15. Lorelai's pig spoon

Now, not all of these items have been damaged beyond repair/future use (the croquet ball is still functional, but it's got a lot of bite marks in it), but if he's chewed it to the point that I have groaned and said, "Oh, shit, not again", I consider it fodder for this new blog of mine.

A friend who also has a rescue dog about Torg's size said her dog did similar things for a while, but once she fully settled into their house and realized she was there for good, she stopped. So there's hope that one day I can leave a room without fearing for my sofa cushions (which, to date, have not been destroyed, but have been moved from the sofa into the dining room).

In the meantime, I shall blog Torg's destruction. Enjoy.